So many people are having a difficult time at the moment. Relationships break up, health breaks down, loved ones die unexpectedly and financial security goes down the drain. People are challenged on all levels of their existence and many feel that they are going to break under the pressure. These last few weeks of 2012 are turning into a huge clean-up time, as if every last bit of unresolved shadow has to be dredged up in order to be looked at and released before the year is out. A couple of weeks ago I had to revisit once again one of my biggest karmic issues. It came as a great shock to me – I had thought that I had pretty much completed this particular learning, and so to be confronted with the same issue once again was painful and hard to come to terms with.
All the masters in all the scriptures and books that I have ever read talk about the power of surrender and trust and so it was clear to me that the only way out of this situation was to completely let go and find peace in the thought that everything was happening in divine order. I was asked to accept without judgement and fighting what was happening to me. Fully understanding the necessity of surrender I had not taken into account the part of me that so very much wants to stay in control. So my clever mind pretended to let go, but underneath the control mechanisms were still working overtime. Only this time the control was not overt – it was hidden under the mantle of seeming surrender. It was not until I caught myself waiting for things to turn around, because I had “surrendered”, that I understood the depth of the game of deceit my mind was playing on me. True surrender means letting go without holding onto any future expectations. As long as I expect a situation to change as a result of my surrender, I have not surrendered at all. I have only changed from one control mechanism to another.
Deep in my heart I know that surrender and trust are the answer to my own and everyone else’s life challenges. However, I found that I had to be with my back against the wall in order to recognise the insatiable need of my ego mind to control and manipulate. Only when there was nothing more I could do to change the situation did I begin to look at the simple act of true surrender – of accepting life as it is and trusting that everything that happens is for my highest good even though I cannot see it at all. And perhaps even more importantly – to trust that I will have the strength, the wisdom and the tools to deal with anything life throws at me, no matter how difficult or painful. Not because I am super woman, but because a higher power is with me, loving and guiding me every step of the way.
It will probably take a few more situations where I am pushed out of the driver’s seat and life runs its course without taking into account my plans and expectations, until I learn the art of surrender. But with every small piece of ego that I leave behind each time I dare to trust and step away from control, I find my heart becoming lighter, my mind calmer and my life more joyful. Trust is a strange thing – it asks us to step off the cliff of our expectations and fears into the void of surrender, in order to learn that always new ground rises beneath us to keep us safe and receive our next step.
Perhaps these words can help and encourage those of you who are also challenged by the energies of these turbulent times. We are all on one heck of a journey – we might as well let go and enjoy the ride!